Some years ago I was really struggling. My husband, whom I adored, had been unfaithful. I knew the woman involved and even confronted her. But after just a few days I couldn’t handle my circumstances. Even though I had three children at home, I became suicidal.
After work one day, I went to the babysitter’s house and asked her if she could keep the kids a little longer – there was something I had to do. She agreed.
Understand that when a person is suicidal, nothing makes sense. In my mind it was perfectly logical to dress up in my wedding gown and drive to the Akron Gorge where I intended to take some poison.
My husband, who was a police office, somehow became aware that I was planning something. He tried to get into the house, but I had locked him out. He had also contacted Mental Health. I was taken to the hospital where I would spend six weeks in the psyche ward.
We were almost never left alone in the hospital. But one day I became so distraught that I devised a plan to finally end my life. I am a God-fearing woman. My pastor visited me at least once a week. He gave me scripture to read. The medical staff tried to make me see the value of my children. But nothing mattered to me. I couldn’t see any future for myself. I had convinced myself that my children would be better off without me.
So, crazy as it sounds now, I put my plan into action. I was going to drown myself in the washing machine. So I filled the washer and waited and waited until it was full. I climbed up onto the dryer that was beside the washer. I leaned forward to put my head into the washer. Just at the last second someone put their hand on my forehead preventing my forward motion. I knew one of the nurses had caught me. But – – – I looked around. No one was there. To this day I believe an angel prevented me from trying to kill myself that day. The hand on my forehead was firm and felt human, but no on was there! I’m still amazed.